Separation
by Doc Scratch
Summary: Good Idea: Teaching Mello to control his temper. Bad Idea: Sending him away from Near to do it. MelloxNear! Now has a sequel!
1. Oh Snap!

A/N: Credit for the story idea goes to fouloldron, who kindly passed it on to me. I now nom all over it like the incredible idea it is. xDD

Summary: Good Idea: Teaching Mello to control his temper. Bad Idea: Sending him away from Near to do it. MelloxNear!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 1: Oh Snap!

There had been a lot of 'last straws' when it came to Mello.

There had been the 'last straw' of the laxatives in the punch bowl at the halloween party. There had been the 'last straw' of cutting Linda's hair while she was sleeping because she'd referred to Mello as not having nice enough hair (The _impudence!_ His hair was much better than hers!) to maintain that style. There had been the 'last straw' of locking Near in his bedroom from the outside by switching the doorknobs (it had been an alarming amount of time before anyone noticed). And of course, the infamous 'last straw' of being caught drawing mustaches on the portraits the art student children had drawn of themselves.

However, this time when Roger found Mello attempting to set fire to the gardens some of the children were allowed to grow in the backyard, there was an all new level of anger. And when Roger, for what was either the twentieth or the thirtieth time said: "Mello! This is the absolute Last Straw!" Somehow Mello knew that this time, it was.

He was right.

* * *

"_Brat Camp?_" Matt asked incredulously. "They actually have something like that?" Half an hour later, up in the room he shared with Matt, Mello was furiously hurling clothes into a suitcase as his method of 'packing neatly and anyone who disagrees with this term can go fuck themselves.'

"Apparently so." Mello grumped, taking a large and vicious chunk out of his chocolate bar.

"Well, knowing you I'd say that they have another thing coming if they think they can actually make you go." Matt observed. Mello stared at him with eyes full of frustration.

"They said if I don't then I won't be allowed to compete to be L's successor anymore."

"Oh... Well..." Matt paused his game in order to scratch the back of his head sheepishly. "I guess you're pretty screwed then."

"It's not like I was even using an accelerant!" Mello exploded.

"Dude, I doubt that's the point." Matt shrugged. Mello turned to his friend, his temper rising at Matt's maintaining such a cool head.

"Don't you get it? THEY ARE SENDING ME AWAY TO SOME STUPID CAMP FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG!" The blonde hollered. Matt almost dropped his game, but years of practice saved the device from slipping out of his grasp.

"Geeze Mel, I'm right here." The gamer rubbed his ears painfully. Mello just huffed and went back to packing. Or shoving clothes and other necessities haphazardly into the suitcase, either phrase works. It was at this point that a gentle knock sounded upon the door of the room. Mello whirled from his suitcase and stomped over to the door, yanking it open with all the finesse of an enraged rhinoceros.

"What the hell-...Oh... Near." Mello blinked down at the small pale boy. His anger levels fluctuated, torn between the usual jealous ferocity and a subconscious anxiety at the knowledge that in a very short time Near would no longer be two doors and a flight of stairs away. Or more accurately, Mello wouldn't be. Near stood there in the doorway, twisting a lock of hair around his right index finger and looking up at Mello blankly.

"I heard you were setting fire to the gardens." He said monotonously.

"So!?" Mello growled defensively. Near shrugged, then seemed to take in the background of the room.

"Why is your suitcase stuffed with your and Matt's clothes?" He asked. Matt glanced over at Mello's suitcase upon hearing this.

"Hey! Some of those _are _mine! Were you even paying attention to what you were pushing in there!?" Matt hastily began extricating his articles of clothing from the pile. Mello rolled his eyes.

"Not that it's any of your business, but apparently I have to go to some 'Behavioral Correction' Camp." Mello stated, preparing to slam the door on his rival, but then he saw the look on Near's face and he just couldn't.

"You're... leaving?" Near asked looking, for just a moment, utterly thrown.

"Er... yeah." Mello replied. "Just for a few months though."

"Months." Near echoed. Mello raised an eyebrow.

"That's what I just said." The blonde pointed out. Near's somewhat dreamy gaze suddenly refocused on Mello.

"I don't want you to go." He said firmly. Mello blanched.

"Say again?"

"I don't want you to go." Near repeated.

"Well it's not like I have a choice." Mello explained. "Besides, why should you care?"

"I... would miss you."

"You'd _miss_ me?" Mello was shocked. "But you hate me! I break your toys all the time!"

"No, you hate me. I don't care about the toys, I can always get more. But there's only one Mello." Near answered. A long silence followed this statement, the only sound was Matt's occasional cursing as he continuously dug through Mello's suitcase for his own things in the background.

"You're crazy." Mello finally broke the silence, but he didn't shut the door yet.

"Why do you say that?" Near asked seriously.

"Because... because...! Why wouldn't you hate me!?" Mello snarled, he was getting confused, a great deal of mixed feelings were swirling around his chest and not all of them were familiar or welcome.

"You're interesting. You are special." Near shrugged, as though it were obvious. "I like you. Sometimes, I think I..."

"Shut up! You're crazy!" Mello cut him off, panicking a little. "Stop saying that stuff! It's weird!"

"I know. I still don't want you to go." Near suddenly locked eyes with Mello, emotions were revealed there that Mello had never seen before. The smaller boy's usually empty eyes were suddenly so full that Mello couldn't even try to look away. Something connected between the two, some part of Mello instinctively reacted to what was in Near's eyes. For a moment they were just there, just existing, together in a harmony neither had previously thought possible. Mello recognized what was going on, what his heart was telling him had been there all along.

Near gazed at him, trapped as much in Mello's eyes as the blonde was in his. He saw the response he wanted, hadn't dared to hope for. Near leaned up, stretching, saw Mello start to bend down...

Then Mello slammed the door shut so hard that a picture hung a ways down the hall suddenly jerked and fell, crashing to the floor with a shattering of glass. The spell was broken, and both boys were left staring at their respective sides of the door, wondering what would have happened if it hadn't closed.

"There, I found all my stuff, and I packed your stuff properly... uh... did I miss something?" Matt finally looked up from the suitcase. Mello just shook his head. "You slammed the door pretty hard there, what happened?"

"...Something _didn't _happen. And I'm not sure I should have stopped it." Mello said dazedly. "But shit, it was really freaking me out." Matt stared, uncomprehending.

"Ooookay... maybe you should cut down on the chocolate a little Mel." Matt suggested, recovering his gaming device and going back to zotting the bad guys. Mello didn't bother to set Matt straight. Some things couldn't be explained.

* * *

"I don't think you should send Mello away." Near said, walking into Roger's office unannounced for the first time in recorded history.

"...What?" Roger blinked up at the small boy standing in front of his desk, tugging at a white curl blandly. Near briefly wondered why no one could seem to grasp what he was saying the first time that day.

"I said, I don't think you should send Mello away." The pale boy replied.

"Frankly I think it should have been done years ago. Two or three months at a correctional camp will do that boy some good." Roger said sternly. "I don't know why you would be arguing his case, you have always been one of his main targets. However, regardless, I would not make a decision such as this lightly. Mello is going, and that's final." Roger watched Near with eyebrows raised, not sure what to expect. There appeared to be no reaction from the young genius. For several minutes, in fact, there was no movement at all.

"I see." Near responded finally. "I apologize for having bothered you." Without another word, Near turned and exited the room at a pace unusually fast for the boy. Roger went back to his paperwork, confident that the affair was settled and done with. Oh how very wrong he was. You see, Near does not give up. Ever. Despite his placid exterior, he is simply not the sort to concede defeat. Even at that very moment, a plot was developing in Near's analytical mind.

If it was not an option to prevent Mello from going... well, Near would just have to go too. And apparently Roger 'would not make such a decision lightly.'

Look out Whammy's, Near had several years of misbehavior to catch up on.

TBC...

A/N: First chapter of DOoooom! Review pleeeease! Please!?


	2. Stealth Not a Requirement

A/N: lol this story is sooo fun to write. xD And all you people are loving on it already, I couldn't refuse you so I typed up the next chappie as quickly as my laziness allowed. The story is going to be somewhat split between Mello and Near's side of it. I'm not going to try first person, because I Epic Fail at first person, but it will split between the Horrors Mellos inflicts upon the Brat Camp peeps, and the Horrors Near inflicts upon poor, unsuspecting Whammy's. xDD NO ONE IS PREPARED FOR THIS EVIL! lol one line I got rather attached to in the previous chapter was "It's not like I was even using an accelerant!" It's amazing the ideas you can come up with by watching way too much CSI. Just wanted to mention that...

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Still.

Chapter 2: Stealth Isn't a Requirement 

"You want me to what?" Matt asked, so surprised that he had actually neglected to pause his game, which was beeping ominously from the cushion he'd dropped it on. Near barely suppressed a sigh. _Again_ with the need for repetition! Honestly, wasn't this supposed to be a training facility for _geniuses_?

"I need your expertise on the subject of causing ill-advised circumstances that provoke disciplinary action." Near said.

"That's what I was afraid you'd said." Matt sighed, running a hand through his red hair. "So... _why?_"

"I wish for aforementioned disciplinary action to occur." Near elaborated.

"Again, _why?_" Matt's eyebrows rose simutaneously.

"I have my reasons." Near quipped.

"Uh-_huh_." Matt shifted his eyes nervously behind his goggles. "And what makes you think I'm an expert." Silence, and a rare incredulous stare from Near. "Ok, dumb question."

"Yes."

"Hey, now that's not the way to get someone to help you, is it?" Matt huffed indignantly. Near considered this.

"Please?" He offered, not really sounding sincere, but that was probably due to the lack of any emotion in his tone.

"Well... yeah, now that Mello's gone and I've already beaten all my games several times... I guess it's not like I have anything better to do." Matt adjusted his goggles smartly and assumed a tone-of-voice not unlike that of traveling salesmen. "So would you be wanting the 'Silent but Deadly' course or is it 'All-out Pandemonium' that you're looking for?" Near weighed the options, choosing the swifter if more hazardous route in the end.

"I'll take 'All-out Pandemonium.'" He said.

* * *

Mello exited the bus with the air of own who knows he is doomed but is determined to take as many people with him as possible. It was not a promising impression to the counselor sent to meet him.

"Mello?" The counselor read off the slip of paper he had been handed on the way out of the office. Mello looked left, and then looked right. There was no one else in sight. He gave the counselor a very well practiced 'Are you serious?' look.

"No, it's some _other _kid they decided to send to Brat Camp." The blonde rolled his eyes. "Who else would it be? Do you even see anyone else here?"

Dumbfounded, the counselor chose to focus on the one part of that speech that his training covered. "This isn't Brat Camp, young man. It is a Behavioral Correction Facility, and despite what you may have heard it can be a beneficial and educational experience if you choose to cooperate."

"Isn't the whole point of my being here that I don't choose to cooperate?" Mello pointed out. The counselor was left speechless. Several minutes passed, and Mello shifted uncomfortably under the weight of his suitcase and backpack. "Look, are we gonna get going or is this actually part of the curriculum?" Numbly, the counselor guided the young genius towards the Main Office of the camp. Dealing with problematic children the counselor had expected, but no one had mentioned problematic children that were _smarter than him._

* * *

"So I put it here?" Near questioned. Matt glanced over, and sighed heavily.

"No, no, no! That's all wrong! You have to blow it up first!" The redhead snatched the whoopie cushion from Near's hands and hastily filled it full of air. "Then slip it under the seat cushion, so he doesn't see it."

"This doesn't seem a whole lot like 'All-out Pandemonium' to me. I don't think it even qualifies as 'Pandemonium.'" Near did as he was told however, sliding the whoopie cushion under the cushion of the chair Roger always sat at during dinner.

"Baby-steps, man. You gotta take baby-steps." Matt advised.

"I wasn't aware this was so systematic." Near observed dryly.

"Hell yeah it is! Dude, this is an _art._" Matt insisted.

"If you say so..."

"I do, now come on we have to go outside and catch some bugs. Preferably spiders, but worms work fine too." Matt rose up, gesturing towards the door. Near hesitantly followed.

"Bugs?"

"Yeah, they drive girls totally _crazy_! It's awesome. I'm telling you man, you want complete pandemonium then you gotta have bugs in the equation somewhere." Matt replied.

"I see." Near nodded, and they headed through the front door into the Great Outdoors.

For some reason, every bug-fearing girl in Whammy's House (and a few of the boys) suddenly felt a chill run down their spine inexplicably.

"Will this do?" Near delicately held up a particularly fat worm, pinched lightly and disdainfully between his thumb and forefinger.

"That's perfect, plop it in the jar." Matt held out a plastic jar formerly used for the containment of peanut-butter. One could confidently say that it was now being used for far more nefarious purposes. Near dropped the worm into the already half-full jar, and Matt screwed the lid (which had several holes poked in it for air) on tightly so as to not allow the three or four spiders they'd found to escape. "I think we have about enough now."

"Enough for what, precisely?"

"Oh, you'll see."

"I really think I should be more informed on this, seeing as how I'm the one who intends to be punished." Near pointed out.

"Oh all right, we're going to drop them on the girls at dinnertime." Matt said resignatedly.

"That doesn't sound particularly Machiavellian." Near observed.

"Sometimes it's the classics that work the best." Matt countered defensively.

Near shrugged, "If you say so."

"I do."

* * *

"Now, Mello, what seems to be the problem?" The camp's head psychiatrist questioned with an air of superiorty that set Mello's teeth on edge.

"Which one?" Mello asked. The psychiatrist seemed confused for a moment.

"Why, the one that brought you here of course." She recovered quickly.

"I tried to set the backyard gardens on fire." Mello answered casually. Stare.

"Oh... I see." The psychiatrist scribbled something in that little notebook that all cliche psychiatrists must be required to have. "And why did you do this?"

"Seemed like a good idea at the time." Mello shrugged. More scribbling.

"Mello, what did you _feel_ when you were setting the fire?"

"Frustration." Mello didn't even bother making eye contact, he had already filed the psychiatrist under 'Pompous moron' and was currently examining her office for anything interesting. The psychiatrist on the other hand seemed to think she'd found an opening.

"Frustration? Is that because you have pent-up emotions? Do you have random periods of anger or fear?" The psychiatrist leaned forward anxiously.

"No, I was frustrated because the stupid fire wouldn't start."

"Oh." The psychiatrist sat back, feeling a tad chagrined. "Well, let's move on shall we?" Mello grunted non-committedly. "Right... Mello, why do _you _think you were sent here?"

"Because I tried to set the backyard gardens on fire. Didn't I just answer that question?"

The psychiatrist felt a migraine coming on.

* * *

"This is it, the coup de grace, if you will." Matt presented the object proudly, displaying it as the psychiatrist mentioned above might display a prestigious award. Near looked unimpressed.

"A water gun." The pale boy stated. Matt hugged the projectile protectively.

"Look, do you want style or do you want results?"

"Results." Near admitted.

"Then stop whining and just take the thing." Matt practically forced it into Near's hands.

"Who should I spray?" He asked, shifting the water gun to his left hand and poking it experimentally with his right.

"Everyone! Spray everyone!" Matt threw up his hands exasperatedly. "Sheesh, you're such a prank-virgin." There was silence for a moment.

Near sprayed Matt.

"Hey!"

"That was a rude thing to say."

TBC...

A/N: LOL backfire much Matt? xDD Hey have I ever mentioned how much I love Mello? Because I do. He is SO much fun to wriiiite. And I love how it's so easy to pwn counselors/psychiatrists with him. Oh yus, this camp will not know what hit it. A lot like Whammy's! xDDD Revieeeeeew please!


	3. Happy Fun Aspirin Time

A/N: Yay! Thank you all for your simply marvelous reviews! Here is the reward: Chapter three! lol more Mello vs. Psychiatrist (who may or may not get a name in the foreseeable future, but probably not), and Near prankage... attempts. xD Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Still, I don't own.

Chapter 3: Happy Fun Aspirin Time

"Mello, this will go a lot more smoothly if you just cooperate." The psychiatrist rubbed her temples exhaustedly. Ten minutes into the session, and she was getting a migraine. This was some sort of record.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Mello rolled his eyes. "If I was willing to cooperate I wouldn't _be_ here."

"Exactly! And am I right in assuming you don't want to be here?"

"Duh."

"Then maybe you should cooperate!"

"Maybe you should stop asking stupid questions."

"I have been following the method set down by extremely prestigious pyschiatric minds all over the world!"

"Well, maybe it's you then. Maybe you just suck." Mello shrugged. For the first time in her career, the psychiatrist felt like bashing her head against a wall. Instead, she took several deep breaths, mentally counted to ten, and decided to try a new tactic.

"Mello, let's try talking about you. What do you like?" The psychiatrist asked in what she probably thought was a friendly manner.

"Chocolate." Mello responded automatically.

"...Chocolate." The psychiatrist wasn't sure whether she should scribble that down or not. She decided to be on the safe side and hurriedly made note of it. "Alright, now, what _don't_ you like?" Mello was just about to say 'Near' when something stopped him. Surprised, he thought about this for a second before realizing what had stopped him was the fact that he **did **like Near. Oh shit, not a good time for revelations like this.

"I don't like Brat Camp." Mello's mind supplied for him quickly enough that the psychiatrist didn't notice the lapse. The psychiatrist did, however, feel the urge to curse. Time to switch tactics again.

"Alright, Mello I'm going to show you a series of pictures, I want you to tell me what they look like to you." The psychiatrist reached down into her briefcase, pulling out a folder and then a card. She held it up. "What does this look like?"

"An ink blot." Mello stated blandly.

"Ok that's it I'm getting some fucking Aspirin."

* * *

Dinnertime at Whammy's was six o'clock sharp. All the children made their way to the dining room, where Roger sat at the head of the table along with some of the nurses. This evening didn't seem like it would be different than any other. No one could have predicted the scenes that were to follow. Actually that's not entirely correct; someone could have predicted them. Two someones, in fact.

"Alright get ready."

"I am ready. I'm holding the jar, the water gun is under my shirt. I've had them like this for the past two minutes."

"Can you just stop being so literal? For just five minutes?" Matt groaned.

"Is that necessary for the plan to work?"

"...Just shut up."

All the children seated themselves around the table. Hardly anyone noticed the absence of Matt or Near, and those that did dismissed it as Matt playing his video games and Near putting puzzles together in his playroom. Completely unaware, totally vulnerable. Prey, ready for the slaughter.

"Now what?" Near asked.

"Wait for Roger to sit down first. Then just run in, throw the bugs, and start spraying people." Matt explained. "Simple as that."

"If you say so."

"I do."

_PHHHOOOT!_ Went the whoopie cushion as Roger took his seat. Several of the children immediately got the giggles, attempting to cover them up with hiccups or coughs. Near burst in the door... actually to be entirely accurate, Near nervously shuffled in through the door, and half-heartedly threw a few handfuls of worms at the girls, who immediately began screaming and leaping up in panic. The jar slipped out of Near's hand and went rolling across the floor, scattering worms and spiders everywhere. Shrieking females (and a few males) darted about, trying to avoid the insects that were actually just as freaked out as they were. Roger got to his feet, as did the nurses, trying to settle everyone down.

That's when Near pulled out the water gun and started squirting. Unfortunately, as it turned out, Near had really _really_ bad aim when it came to long range. So he ended up just drowning most of the bugs on the floor. Still, when people started slipping on the water it did produce a satisfying effect of... well, pandemonium. Except now Near's socks were all wet, which was quite uncomfortable. But oh well, sacrifices must be made.

* * *

Mello's session for the day was declared over, although Mello suspected that had more to do with the fact that the psychiatrist was getting drugged up on Aspirin than that he'd actually run out the clock. The tempermental blonde was shown to his new 'dorm room,' a cabin containing two other boys in about the middle of the small camp. His things had been delivered while he was talking with the psychiatrist, and he found his new roomates clustered curiously around his bags as he walked in. Heaven help them if they'd touched his chocolate. Mello cleared his throat loudly, in a pretty good imitation of Roger, only more intimidating. The boys leapt back, whirling to stare at him.

"Uh... hi." A brunette with a runny nose waved nervously. "I'm Jimmy. That's Darryl."

"What are you doing with my stuff?" Mello raised an eyebrow. Darryl, a raven-haired boy who if his size was anything to go by was probably pushing fourteen, actually shifted uncomfortably under Mello's steely teal gaze.

"We were just looking... I swear we didn't touch anything." He replied.

"You'd better hope not." Mello brushed past them, examining his luggage. It didn't seem any the worse for wear, so he unzipped it and dug out a chocolate bar. Tearing off the wrapper, Mello sighed blissfully as he bit into the sweet.

"Hey can we have some...?" Jimmy ventured.

"Hell no." Mello snarled, actually causing the mousey boy to leap back.

"Er... so what's your name anyway?" Darryl asked.

"Mello. What is this, twenty questions?" Mello threw himself down on his bed next to his bags, stretching languidly.

"What kind of name is Mello?" Jimmy appeared to have found some reserve stock of courage.

"My name. Duh." Mello rolled his eyes. "Don't you dorks have anything better to do?"

"Hey, like it or not you're stuck here with us until you've done your time. We might as well make the best of it and be friends." Darryl pointed out.

"I don't make friends with losers." Mello countered boredly.

"We aren't losers!" Jimmy shouted angrily. Mello rolled his eyes again.

"Suuure. Jeeze what're you guys even in for, throwing water balloons at the family pet?" The blonde drawled derisively. Jimmy looked uncomfortable, apparently Mello had hit the nail on the head there.

"Actually I set off a cherry bomb in the girl's bathroom at my school." Darryl shrugged. Mello glanced over at him briefly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you should've heard them scream. Why, what'd you do Mr. High-and-Mighty?" Darryl said, his confidence rising at the recognition.

"Laxatives in the punch bowl, cut a girl's hair while she was sleeping, painted over self-portraits of other kids, locked a kid in his room for five hours, and almost set fire to the backyard gardens." Mello spouted off expertly. "And that's just the stuff I got caught for." There was a long period of silence. Finally Mello's curiosity got the better of him and he looked over to see what effect his words had induced.

Darryl and Jimmy were gazing at him with a sort of worshipping awe.

"Man... you're like, our _god_." Jimmy said finally.

"Damn straight." Mello sniffed, finishing off his chocolate bar and reaching for another.

* * *

"Near, I don't know who put you up to this, but someone had to have." Roger said, examining carefully the pale boy standing before his desk. Near didn't look particularly concerned. To be honest he didn't care at all. He was just waiting for Roger to start doling out the punishments. "Come on, just tell me what's going on."

"Apparently pranks are fun, because many children are willing to risk getting in trouble for them. I wanted to try it." Near shrugged. Roger deadpanned.

"To be honest Near, I'm not even sure how to begin punishing you. You've always been so well-behaved, frankly I am shocked and horrified. Really though you don't even do very much, so all I can say is that you are confined to your room until further notice." Roger sighed sadly. Another good kid lost to the dark side.

"What if I say no?" Near asked. Roger paused.

"I beg your pardon?" The caretaker blinked, not quite comprehending, at Near.

"What if I refuse to go to my room, or stay there?" The pale boy elaborated calmly.

"Than I shall have to take further action in punishing you." Roger replied darkly. What Near really wanted to ask was what the criteria would be to make Roger mad enough to send _him_ to Brat Camp as well. But that didn't seem like it would go over well, and in fact would likely prevent Roger from sending him there. Not to mention all the odd questions that would be provoked. No, Near would just have to improvise.

"I see. Well, goodbye then." Near said curtly, turning to the door and exiting once more, leaving a befuddled and disconcerted Roger behind. Near climbed the stairs to his room slowly, now was the time to regroup and form a new strategy. Now that he had the basics of troublemaking down, Near felt he could start formulating his own plans. Matt met him on the second floor next to the stairs.

"Well?" The redhead questioned expectantly.

"We're making progress." Near replied simply. "However, I want to discuss the possibilties of obtaining fireworks this early in the year."

TBC...

A/N: Who doesn't love fireworks? xDDD Man Roger better cave quickly or the whole Orphanage might become dust in the wind... lol! Mello found some new sidekicks! Granted they can't possibly replace Matt, but whatever. Every great antagonist needs a few goons. Mello sooo God. DO NOT ARGUE WITH MY RABID FANGIRLISM! xDD Review now please!


	4. Shit Hits the Fan

A/N: Chapter four tiem! 8D omg this is so crazy fun… I think I said that already but who cares? xD Anyway… In this chapter, Mello and his new sidekicks cause sum havoc and… other stuff happens. I won't ruin it for you, lol. Thanks to all my fantastic reviewers! ILY GAIS!! T3T

Disclaimer: I still don't own.

Chapter 4: Shit Hits the Fan

"Well, I got them." Matt announced, dumping an armload of what were basically less destructive bombs on Near's bed. Near glanced at them, a surprisingly devious smile crept across his face for just a moment, then it was gone so quickly Matt almost thought he'd imagined it.

"Excellent… these will be perfect for tomorrow. Although I am curious, how did you get them?" Near questioned, peering up at Matt quizzically. Matt tapped the side of his nose and smiled.

"A magician never reveals his secrets." The redhead said simply. Near merely shrugged, it had been worth a try. The pale boy began sorting through the fireworks, filing them under 'Destructive', 'Aesthetic', and 'Health Hazards' respectively.

"So what exactly do you have planned here?" Matt ventured, poking one of the more dangerous-looking fireworks tentatively.

"All-out Pandemonium." Near responded, arranging his prizes neatly.

* * *

"And you're sure about this?" Darryl raised an eyebrow, examining the object in front of him carefully.

"Of course." Mello scoffed. "Just hook that line up like I told you."

"Which one?"

"The blue one."

"This one?"

"No, you idiot! Blue! _Blue!_ That's clearly teal!" Mello growled. Darryl made an 'ohhhhh' face and swiftly reconnected the wire.

"Should we be doing this?" Jimmy asked hesitantly from the doorway of the small technician building. Mello rolled his eyes.

"Hell no. That's why we're _doing_ it, genius." Darryl laughed.

"Jamie," Mello began.

"Jimmy." Jimmy corrected. Mello waved a hand dismissively.

"Jimmy, what is your job?" The blonde continued.

"…Lookout." Jimmy replied slowly.

"Right, and what does the lookout do?" Mello asked pointedly.

"He… watches for anyone who might be coming?" The mousey boy said, confusedly.

"So what the fuck are you doing in here!?" Mello exploded. Jimmy yelped and rushed back outside. Mello sighed; it was so hard to find good help these days. Too bad Matt hadn't been sent with him.

"Done!" Darryl proclaimed triumphantly. Mello checked over the other boy's work. It was admissible.

"Great, let's go." The blonde ordered, and the two exited the building, collecting Jimmy on their way back to the cabin.

"What was supposed to happen, again?" Jimmy asked, looking around disappointedly for any signs of the fruits of their labor.

"It's going to set off the ceiling sprinklers in the cafeteria during dinner." Mello answered automatically. "Now come on, the day's still young and I just had this great idea for the air conditioner in the psychiatrist's office."

* * *

"Could you hand me that string?" Near requested lightly. Matt obligingly delivered the desired item, and sat back down to watch. Really, if he didn't know any better Matt would say that Near had done this before. "Thank you." Near continued fidgeting with the string and a few of the fireworks.

The newly formed duo were seated in the garden shed behind the house, the shadows were beginning to grow long, implying that soon one or both of them were likely to be missed. Especially since Near had a very conspicuous ladder leaned up against his bedroom window.

"Finished." Near sat back with the smallest of satisfied smiles. Matt stared at the amalgamation before him.

"Incredible. I didn't think you were capable of this sort of thing." The gamer admitted. Near shrugged.

"I found a book about pranks in your and Mello's room earlier today, when you were digging that whoopee cushion out of your closet." The pale boy explained.

"Oh, that makes sense." Matt smiled with relief. "Whew, for a second there I thought you might be… I dunno, _experienced_ or something." Near shook his head. "So, ready to set them off?"

"No, as I said, this is for tomorrow." Near replied.

"Whatever, this is your party." Matt stood and stretched. "Guess I'm headin' to bed then." Near nodded.

"Yes, I'm going in now as well."

The two walked out of the shed, checking for onlookers. Luckily, everyone in the orphanage was in bed already, shuddering about the events from dinner. Near clambered clumsily up the ladder, which Matt stowed in the bushes for him when the smaller boy was situated back in his room. Matt began his way back to the front door, and Near was about to shut his window.

"Hey." Matt called, causing Near to pause in his previous action. Near looked down expectantly. "This has been fun, Near. You're all right." Matt gave a jaunty sort of wave and completed his journey inside. Near smiled lightly and slid the window into place, heading for his bed exhaustedly.

* * *

The first thing that entered the psychiatrist's mind as she went in to close her office for the night was 'Oh my god I'm going to be sick!' She promptly was, though she managed to make it to the wastebasket first. The smell of animal feces permeated the room from an unknown source, and from the smell it had likely been there for quite some time. Holding a scarf to her nose, the psychiatrist began the search for the cause of the stench with great trepidation.

Half an hour later, just when she thought she was going to have to burn down the whole building, a thumping sound from the air conditioner drew her attention. Cautiously, oh so very cautiously, she approached the object.

She would swear that the screws on the outside of the a/c weren't as tight as she remembered. Carefully, she inspected the object. Definitely tampered with, and now that she was in close proximity to the thing, she could tell it was undoubtedly the origin of the horrific aroma.

Rather than attempt to clean it out, the psychiatrist fetched a screwdriver and forcibly removed the entire device from her wall, running it out to the dumpster and throwing it in with the righteous anger of an out-smarted shrink. Of course, she had a pretty good idea of whose fault this was. Not that she could prove it, but oh that boy was in for some trouble if he thought he could get away with this!

"Dammit!" The psychiatrist cursed, as screams began erupting from the cafeteria building.

* * *

Near hadn't realized how truly important Mello's presence was to him until he tried to sleep. Even though his room wasn't at all close to Mello and Matt's, Near could feel the blonde's absence distinctly. It was a hole in his mind and his chest, keeping him from shutting his eyes for long periods of time.

Near tossed and turned even though he was perfectly comfortable, trying to coerce himself into slumber. It just wasn't working.

The pale boy stared up at his ceiling through the darkness, defeated. Memories of the older boy swam in and out of focus. 'I need him, I need him to be close…' Near thought, upset at the dependence he had developed. The pale boy thought of all the times Mello had snuck into his room, hiding or stealing toys, maybe tossing cold water on him while he slept. They wouldn't be considered pleasant by most children, but Near knew that Mello always gave the toys back eventually, and that there was a towel on the end of his bed when he finished sputtering. Near knew that Mello understood him better than anyone else, except perhaps L. And Near knew that even the sunshine wasn't as bright as Mello's smile could be. Oh god, had he really thought that? How cheesy. Near rolled over, faintly disgusted with himself. It's the exhaustion, yeah that must be it…

"I miss you…" Near mumbled into his pillow. "I miss you… Mello…"

* * *

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?" It wasn't often that the psychiatrist exploded like this. In fact, none of the other children had ever seen her so furious.

"I thought it was pretty obvious." Mello shrugged, unfazed. "I rewired the system so that the sprinklers would go off during dinner."

"WHY!?"

"Because I can." Mello grinned. The psychiatrist almost grabbed him, but thoughts of lawsuits that could provoke swam through her head like piranhas. Taking several deep breaths, the psychiatrist assessed the situation. He'd done this for attention… yes, that had to be the truth! He was an attention seeker! Counting slowly to ten, the psychiatrist deduced that the thing to do was not to punish the clearly disturbed boy, but to _help_ him. 'That's why I chose this career, to help children.' She repeated this thought like a mantra in her head until she was able to force a smile onto her face.

"Ok. Mello, I want you to go to bed now. We'll discuss this in the morning." She said, her voice syrupy-sweet. "In fact, I want all you children to go to bed now. I'll call the clean-up crew and the cafeteria should be useable by morning." The children groaned disappointedly, but shuffled off. Mello raised an eyebrow, but also turned to leave. 'Maybe I underestimated her a bit.' He thought mildly, 'Oh well, she's still in for a world of hurt if she thinks she can psych me out.'

"Dude, that was so cool!" Jimmy squealed as Mello re-entered the cabin. "Aw man! How all those guys shrieked when the water came down, and I've never seen the Doc that pissed!" The mousey boy was bouncing up and down on his bed, making various 'action' poses.

"Hey, that was awesome, how you took the heat." Darryl clapped Mello on the back. "Thanks for not selling us out."

"Of course." Mello rolled his eyes, retrieving a chocolate bar from his bag and starting in on it. "Only a total jackass would rat on his team." Darryl nodded, smiling and going back to his own nightly preparations. Jimmy continued his own fantasy-version of the 'showdown' between Mello and the psychiatrist. Mello lay back in bed, staring up at the rafters in the cabin. It had been a productive day, this 'Brat Camp' thing was gonna be a walk in the park.

So why did it feel like something was so wrong? Why was there a part of him that couldn't stop thinking of the color white and all that it signified?

"Near… I… miss you." Mello found himself mumbling softly around his chocolate bar. He shot a wary glance at his roommates, but they were wrapped up in their own lives. Mello rolled over, setting the rest of his chocolate bar on his bedside table. Suddenly, he wasn't hungry for it anymore.

TBC…

A/N: Awww aren't they sweet? …Well sorta… lol you know what I mean, right? I wanted to end the chapter on a fluffy note, so I did. Try not to die from the corniness pls, you'd miss the next chapter! xD Oh, and sorry for those of you who wanted to see the fireworks display… you'll have to wait a bit longer.


	5. Happy Fourth of Oh wait

A/N: I'm writing the new chappie of Meet the Lawliets _at the same time as I am writing this!!111one_ Fear mah awesome multi-tasking skillz! lol o yeah and bfore I forget... again... I'm accepting suggestions for the Psychiatrist's name, since I'm too lazy to think one up. I don't really care either way if she gets one or not, but I thought it'd be fun to have a bit of input from you, my lovely readers/reviewers. So if you want to name Psychia-bitch than drop a review in please! 8D LOVE YA ALL! -Much airkisses-

Disclaimer: I don't own still.

Chapter 5: Happy Fourth of-Oh Wait...

Someone was shaking Mello, rather violently too. Someone was trying to wake him up. Someone was about to find out that you never, _ever_ approach Mello before at least nine in the morning.

"OW!" Jimmy sprang back, rapidly flapping his hand through the air. "You _bit_ me!"

"You woke me up." Mello snarled back, and Jimmy just whimpered. The blonde spat, not really caring that the saliva landed on the floor. "You taste like moldy bread. I'd better not get sick from that." Jimmy decided it was better to have a bitten hand than no hand at all and wisely elected not to respond.

"What's going on?" Darryl asked sleepily, sitting up in his own bed.

"This dumbshit thought it'd be funny to wake me up at-" Mello glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "Seven-fucking-A.M."

"No!" Jimmy was indignant. "I always get up early to go to the bathroom, and today I ran into the Doc on the way back and she said to wake you up and tell you to go to the office."

"Crap, do you think she's on to us?" Darryl questioned, scrambling to get out of bed.

"Nah." Mello stretched languorously. "She thinks it's all me. And that's the way it'll stay unless you guys do something retarded." Darryl breathed a sigh of relief. "Don't be such a sissy, they never hand out really bad punishments at these places."

"Yeah but if my folks heard I was still pulling shit... I'd prolly never get to go home." Darryl replied.

"Hm. Sounds like a personal problem." Mello pulled on some day clothes, a black shirt and some jeans, slipped on his shoes, and headed for the door. "If this bitch thinks she's gonna get away with waking me up this early she's got another thing coming."

* * *

Near prepared himself for the day with intense feelings of anxiety and excitement. The excitement was a surprise. Honestly, Near hadn't expected to be enjoying this as much as he was. It wasn't so much the troublemaking itself as it was the thrill of pulling off the schemes. Near had the feeling it would be even better if he wasn't trying to get caught, that the high from outsmarting his elders would be twice as fun as the plot itself.

"So, you ready?" Matt greeted him in the hallway. Near nodded, and the two headed out for the garden shed. The plan needed to be executed early, before anyone else had the chance to need something from the shed and ruin the whole thing.

It was going to be magnificent. Near didn't need to see it executed to know that much.

"Do you have the matches?"

"Yeah, here." Matt dug in his pocket and produced a carton of matches. "Mello got 'em from Roger's office a while back and he gave them to me before he left."

"...Good." Near took them with a slight smile. It was strange, he was suddenly struck with the oddest urge to laugh maniacally. Of course he quickly stifled the very idea, beating it into the back of his mind with an almost Mello-like ferocity.

"We're not gonna set them off in here are we?" Matt glanced around the confines of the shed nervously.

"Yes, but don't worry. I have them on a fuse and we'll be long gone when they go off." Near assured him.

"Whatever you say, man."

Near plucked a match from the box and dragged it along the side. It ignited with a hiss, and the pale boy lost no time holding the flame to the prepared line. He extinguished the match just as quickly and began hustling Matt out of the shed with surprising speed.

"Go, go, go, go, we really need to go." Near chanted, and the two hastily hauled ass. They had made it all the way to the front door of Wammy's when Hell broke loose.

It truly was glorious. The windows of the shed exploded and the door burst open. Multicolored sparks shot off in all directions including high up into the sky, flaming balls trailed smoke through the air, some soaring far enough to crash into the Orphanage itself, although luckily they simply rebounded and sputtered off back into the gardens. Embers glowed amidst the planks of the shed, which was quickly being consumed by a sudden bonfire. Screams were echoing from the children at the gunshot-like bangs popping off all over, and the gardens themselves were starting to smoke ominously.

By the time Roger and the Nurses had gotten the hoses and put out the flames all that was left of the shed and gardens were murky puddles of ash and twisted remnants of the fireworks.

"Dude, Mello is going to be so pissed when he finds out you managed to set stuff on fire better than he did."

* * *

"Mello I'm sensing that you have a lot of badly directed energy." The psychiatrist said. Mello was seated once again on that weird leather sofa/couch/loveseat/armchair hybrid monster thing. He wasn't lying back the way you were apparently supposed to, but instead lounging lazily, munching on one of his chocolate bars and imagining new and interesting ways to ruin peoples lives.

"Depends on what you think is bad."

"Mello, setting gardens on fire and messing with sprinkler systems is bad. Imagine if there was an emergency and we needed those sprinklers!"

"They'd still go off." Mello answered automatically. "They're hooked up to the pipe system. I checked. Shit lady how dumb do you think I am?" The psychiatrist was struck silent for a moment. She had no idea how the sprinkler system actually worked. So of course she reverted to the automated response system snobby adults have installed in their speech cortex.

"Watch your language young man." She instructed.

"Whatever. Want me to say it in German instead?"

"You speak German?" The psychiatrist was once again caught off guard.

"My native tongue."

"I see." A new possibility occured in the desperate mind of the psychiatrist. "Do you ever feel homesick? Perhaps estranged in the English culture?"

"No. I've lived here since I was three, and to be honest my life in Germany kinda sucked. What I remember of it anyway." Mello shrugged. The psychiatrist pounced, metaphorically speaking.

"What do you mean? Were there issues with your parents?"

"You mean other than the fact that they died?"

"Oh..." The psychiatrist winced. "Er... well... so..." Mello rolled his eyes. Jeeze, mention your dead parents and it's like Instant Pity. Just add tears and adults would be eating out of your hand. But Mello wasn't interested in a pity party.

"Fuck lady, get over it, you'd think it was _your _parents."

"Surely there must be some painful memories..."

"This conversation ranks higher than that on my list of painful memories." Mello snorted. "I was _three_. I have almost no memories."

"You know, hiding your feelings won't make them go away." The psychiatrist said. "I'm sure you'd feel much better if you let it all out." Mello blinked at her... and burst out laughing.

"Oh... OH! You think I'm suppressing my emotions!?" Mello laughed harder, so hard tears began forming at the corner of his eyes. The psychiatrist began to feel quite indignant, and about two inches tall. "Wow, that's fucking amazing. Nah, lady, I speak my mind a hell of a lot more than most people want. You want someone who's emotionally stunted than go talk to Near." Mello continued laughing for about two more seconds until what he'd just said actually hit him. Oh. Crud. Well maybe she wouldn't-

"Near? ...Who's Near?"

Fucking _shrinks_.

TBC...

A/N: Don'tcha just love me and my cliffhangers? 8D

REVIEEEEEW to get more faster!


	6. SUCCESS!

A/N: lol don't assume Mello will be screwed that easily! Not by some two-bit psychiatrist who has to work at brat camp cuz she couldn't even get her own practice. xDDD I love you all and your awesome reviewage, it makes me sooooo happy.

Disclaimer: Own, I still do not.

Chapter 6: SUCCESS!

The times when Roger had been rendered speechless by the brilliant orphans under his care were innumerable. He had been out-talked on a regular basis by several of them, though they soon came to learn that it didn't matter if they won the debate because he still had the authority. He had lost the ability to speak out of surprise, thoughtfulness, lack of response... but never before, not even by Mello, had Roger found himself utterly without words in the face of his own _anger_.

This time while Mello was at Brat Camp was supposed to be a period of peace, a time of rest! But what happens? No sooner is Mello gone then Near suddenly goes haywire! Near, of all people! Goddammit it really _was _always the quiet ones! Well, obviously there was only one way to deal with this... unfortunately he'd have to wait about half an hour before he was calm enough to deliver the news. In the meantime...

"So, you're actually locked in there?" Matt was leaning casually against the outside of Near's door.

"Yes. They even installed a special latch on the window." The pale boy's voice floated through the door.

"Really?" Matt raised an eyebrow, that was pretty harsh. ...Oh alright, considering the crime maybe the punishment did fit.

"Yes, it took me an entire twenty seconds to operate." If it were anyone else Matt would have called that tone sarcasm.

"You can open locks?" The redhead inquired interestedly.

"It's not like it is hard." Near replied simply. "Once you have deduced the construction of the mechanism, it is merely a manner of finding an object that can trigger the proper-"

"Yeah ok, I got it." Matt cut him off, having no desire to be treated to a Near-lecture. Over the past two days Matt had discovered that Near could take absolutely anything and describe it in a way that made it completely _dull _no matter what it was. Which was odd because he could be a perfectly good conversationalist when he wasn't 'teaching' things. "So are you coming out then?"

"No. I only did it so that I might be able to... er... visit the bathroom as needed..."

"They aren't even giving you bathroom breaks!?" The gamer exclaimed in horror.

"Matt, I burnt down the entire backyard. The whole thing." Near stated emotionlessly. Matt scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Right..."

"They're likely worried that if they let me out even to go to the bathrooms, I'll burn those down too." Near continued.

"I think I see your point..." Matt winced. "Personally I think you're insane. You wanted to get caught, you wanted this?"

"No, I want what is going to come once Roger's voice returns."

"Yelling loud enough to be heard on another planet?"

"...after that too."

* * *

Thinking fast and staying calm, Mello raised an eyebrow and calmly asked, "What?"

"Near. You said something about a person named Near. Who is Near?"

"What are you _talking_ about lady?" Mello took on a well practiced worried/nervous expression. He could see the psychiatrist suddenly waver, an uncertain expression crossing her face, but then she shook herself.

"Don't play dumb with me young man." She instructed firmly.

"There's a difference between dumb and oblivious you know." Mello countered, huffing irritably. "And if you call me young man again I'm going to start calling you _old_ lady."

"Now you listen to me, I am here to help you, and you will treat me with respect!" The psychiatrist ordered, eyes flashing angrily. Mello looked, as ever, unimpressed.

"Uh-_huh_. Will this be before or after Hell freezes over?" The blonde questioned blandly. She'd forgotten about Near. Mission accomplished.

"You see Mello! This is exactly the behavior that got you sent here in the first place!" The psychiatrist cried, scowling deeply. Mello adopted a bored expression.

"No, I was sent here because I tried to set the backyard gardens on fire." Mello retorted. "Seriously, how many times are we going to have this same conversation?"

"Oh for- get out! Just get _out_! I need aspirin again..."

Mello could hear some muttered curses coming from the office as he exited, smiling broadly.

* * *

"Matt, what are you doing here?" Roger questioned suspiciously, having found the redhaired boy outside Near's door when he came up to inform Near of his punishment.

"Taunting Near for getting in trouble." Matt responded automatically. A good mischief-maker knows to prepare for such situations. Roger didn't find this statement hard to believe at all, considering the history between the gamer, his best friend, and the current culprit.

"Well, run along." Roger made shooing motions and Matt slouched off reluctantly. Pulling out the key to the lock on Near's door, Roger was shocked when it suddenly opened.

"You should invest in a voice recognition system. That might actually take a few hours to decode." Near informed him. Roger almost gave into the urge to bang his head against the wall. _Almost._

"Near, you are going to a behavioral correction camp until you are past this... phase." Roger said, glaring. "I'd suggest you go pack, I have already call the bus and it will be here to pick you up in two hours."

"Understood." Near acquiesced, proceeding to disappear back into his room, shutting the door behind him. Roger was left standing in the hallway, his 'manipulation senses' were going off like crazy, but at this point the old caretaker didn't really understand enough to think of why. Plus, he was beginning to develop a headache.

In point of fact, Near was already packed. He had been for the past day, knowing that sooner or later he would achieve his goal. There was a knock suddenly on his window, and Near glanced over to see Matt on the ladder from yesterday, peering in with an expectant look upon his face. Near went over, fiddled the latch open, and slid up the window.

"Well?" Matt demanded. "What's the damage?" Near smiled the largest smile Matt had ever seen from the pale boy. Really teeth were almost visible. Momentarily thrown, Matt could only stare.

"I'm going to Brat Camp!" Near announced happily. Matt's eyes widened as everything suddenly clicked into place. He flailed wildly in his total shock.

"WHA- YOU! Mel-AAAGH!" A very flabbergasted Matt fell off the ladder, down about ten feet, and landed in the surprisingly soft bushes at the base of the wall. Worriedly, Near bent halfway out the window for a better view. "...Ow..." Matt's voice trailed up from the tangle of leaves and limbs.

"Are you alright?" Near called.

"No..." Matt moaned. "You have a fucking **crush **on Mello..."

"I meant physically."

"Oh... yeah... I'm fine. _Peachy_."

"Good. I'll see you in a few months." Near shut the window and went to make extra sure he'd packed enough toys.

TBC...

A/N: lol short chapter! Still I figured better to write a short chapter and post it fast than try and make a really long one and end up with writer's block halfway through and not post until next month or something... w/e. Review please! Or Near will say something that shocks you into falling off a ladder. xDDD Btw Matt's gonna be ok. He's just freaked out, really he'll be fine.


	7. Group Therapy is No

A/N: Have I ever mentioned that I love you people? Cause I do. Lots. All your reviews make me soooooo happy! lol seriously though, I'm a sucker for flattery. Big time. Compliment me enough and I'll adore you to no end. 8D OMG the psychiatrist has a name now! ...I rarely take things literally, but when I do, lookout!

Disclaimer: Not owning still.

Chapter 7: Group Therapy is No

Dr. Pheesh was not a bad woman, not really. She was however, a bad psychiatrist. She'd passed all her classes with flying colors, had been a people-person most of her life, and genuinely wanted to be of service. But when it came to actually applying her practice... she sucked like an industrial strength vaccuum cleaner. Now, two years into her career as a psychiatrist for problem-children, she'd grown to really hate kids. No, not hate just... strongly dislike. However she'd struggled on, hopeful that eventually she'd earn enough experience to be admissable to a hospital or something. Then Mello had shown up. Resigning and taking up a new career was beginning to look very inviting. Maybe something to do with interpretive dance... or something.

However first she had to finish out her current contract, which demanded another three months before negotiation was re-opened. It couldn't be that hard, right? Just three more months. Only three. One tiny, irrelevant quarter of a year. Besides, they were only kids, right? How bad could it be?

Then she got the phone call.

"We've accepted another new child from Wammy's House, he should be arriving within the next few hours." The camp owner informed her. Dr. Pheesh began shaking, ever so slightly. Slowly and carefully she replaced the receiver without answering. Not another one, oh god please not another one... Wait, wait there was no reason to jump to conclusions. Maybe this child wasn't as bad as Mello. After all, how many conniving geniuses could there be in one orphanage?

* * *

"Alright children, I'll provide an explanation for our new member." A camp counselor smiled broadly, revealing more shiny teeth than Mello thought were normally found in human mouths. "Dr. Pheesh provides individual sessions for each of you, but there are of course other methods to help you get past whatever problems you're having. This is called, Group Therapy. Now, let's all welcome our new member. Please stand up and introduce yourself." Mello took a bite out of his chocolate bar, not bothering to make eye contact.

"Why?"

"E-excuse me? So that everyone will know your name of course." The counselor began, and took a deep breath fully prepared to give a well rehearsed speech when he was foiled by the currently bored blonde.

"No, I mean why do I have to stand up? It makes no sense. You can all hear and see me just fine, so it makes no sense for me to stand up when I am quite comfortable only to sit back down again two seconds later. It's a waste of effort." Mello explained matter-of-factly.

"Well..." The camp counselor hesitated. No one had taken quite this approach before, but soon a retort came to him. "Don't you think less effort would be used if you just did it rather than argue?" He asked. Mello immediatly rose to the challenge, metaphorically speaking of course since in actuality he remained in his seat.

"Not really, since I don't consider taunting morons to be a waste of effort. It's entertaining." Mello countered calmly. A couple of the other children giggled, earning themselves a strict look from the swiftly-losing-his-cheer counselor.

"It is clear that you have problems with authority." The counselor stated.

"No, I have no problems with authority." Mello shrugged. "Authority has problems with me, obviously." God, it was too easy. These people were so used to dumb troublemakers who were nothing more than attention-seekers anyway that when they met a true master... they were helpless. It was incredible.

"Hey, how come he gets to talk so much? You always say we're supposed to take turns!" One of the other children, a ten-year old boy with a whiney voice, cut in. The counselor seemed to be a bit lost for a moment, but then the brain-wash training kicked in.

"Of course. All he has to do is introduce himself and we'll move on to someone else." The counselor replied, shooting a 'hinting' glance at Mello, who rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. You're the one who had to make a huge presentation of it. I'm Mello. Hope that satisfies your proletarian need to obtain the identities of others." The few members of the circle able to understand that sentence looked awed. Choosing to ignore this, since he had no actual response, the counselor simply pointed at the boy next to Mello.

"Alright, we'll start with you. We're going to go around the circle and say one thing we like, and one thing we dislike and why. Understand?" He instructed. The children nodded disinterestedly. Mello was exasperated for what felt like the millionth time since he'd been here. What was it with these people's fascination with likes and dislikes? It was ridiculous, and easily thwarted. Not to mention redundant.

"I like cartoons, and I don't like glue because it makes my hands all sticky." Said the boy sitting next to Mello.

"I like money, and I don't like banks because then I can't get my money easy." Well, if that kids problem wasn't more transparent than the counselor's smile, Mello didn't know what was.

"I like music, but I don't like country music because it's stupid." Mello actually sympathised with that sentiment.

"I like my hair. I don't like people who touch my hair." Seriously, what was that girl doing here? Obviously she had intimacy-issues and problems with her self-image. She didn't need brat camp she needed a professional psychologist and depression medication.

There was silence spanning several minutes, until the counselor cleared his throat loudly and obviously.

"Mello... it's your turn."

"I know."

"Well?"

"I was analysing the psychosis revealed by the answers of the other children. What was available, anyway." Mello responded simply. He received several odd stares, which he took as invitation to continue. "The kid next to me has delayed development, that boy has paranoia and a magpie complex, that girl who talked about the music is sound-oriented but doesn't have any other real problems, and the last girl needs some Prozac like someone with gangrene needs penicillin." More staring, and an awkward cough or two.

"How... how did you...?" The counselor couldn't seem to finish the sentence. The boy had just diagnosed four patients that Dr. Pheesh had proclaimed unreadable.

"Simple, really." Mello shrugged. "I'm surprised no one could figure it out before they were sent here." He took a triumphant bite of his chocolate bar. "Oh, it was my turn, wasn't it? Alright, I like rosaries, and I don't like toy robots, because they make annoying sounds when they're clashed together." There was still no reaction.

The girl Mello had said needed Prozac started to cry.

* * *

The counselor had once again lost in the straw-drawing that dictated who was to meet the bus with the new arrival. He was beginning to suspect that the whole thing was fixed against him. The way the other counselors smiled when he drew his straw wasn't exactly helping to refute this theory. The bus pulled up in a cloud of dust and foreshadowing, creaking to a stop. The door flipped open and a small figure dragging a suitcase on wheels haphazardly behind him descended the steps. The door shut again, and the bus sped off. Near stood in the dirt in his socks, everyone at the orphanage knew better than to try and force him into shoes, and twirled a lock of white hair around his finger lightly. The complete lack of emotion in the small boy's face was almost as disconcerting as Mello's devilishly gleaming eyes.

"You're Near, right?" The counselor asked hesitantly, recalling the unpleasant last scenario and bracing himself.

"Yes." Near replied simply. The counselor stared for a moment, then smiled.

"Excellent! Then, welcome." He stated cheerily, happy to have a less challenging charge to greet. "Right this way, I'll take your things to your new cabin and you can get acquainted with Dr. Pheesh." Some strange part of Near's brain dredged up a picture of a person with a goldfish head. He dismissed it.

"Alright." The pale boy acquiesced obligingly.

A few minutes later, he was contentedly seated on the same couch Mello had occupied only a few hours ago. One knee was pressed against his chest, as per usual, while the other leg dangled easily off the edge of the sofa. Dr. Pheesh examined the unintimidating boy carefully, attempting to gauge the level of difficulty. She failed miserably. In fact, as far as first impressions go, she couldn't tell why he would be considered a trouble maker at all. He seemed perfectly happy to sit there quietly in that odd position, looping a bit of his hair around one finger.

"So... uh... Near. Why is it that you aren't wearing shoes?" She began.

"I don't have any shoes." Near answered.

"...I see. Ok, well, why do you think you are here?"

"Because Roger sent me here." He replied innocently. The psychiatrist heard warning signals go off in her brain and decided to skirt around this dangerous territory.

"Right, ok," She sighed. Something was yelling at her in the back of her mind, some inner voice was insisting that there was something escaping her. "So, why is it that you decided to cause trouble?" Near considered this, and almost automatically discarded telling the truth as an option.

"Many children derive pleasure from the act of making mischief and breaking rules. I wanted to ascertain for myself the reasons behind this enjoyment." Near replied. The psychiatrist stared blankly, waiting for her mind to catch up with the statement.

"Oh. Ok... so, what did you think?"

"Troublemaking is not entirely without it's base in entertainment." Near shrugged.

"Uh-huh..." The psychiatrist suddenly remembered that she was supposed to be a psychiatrist and began scribbling furiously in her notebook. "So you were bored then?"

"No." Near answered simply.

"Ok... so you were curious?"

"Perhaps."

"Ok... Did you find that you couldn't stop once you had started?" The psychiatrist took a shot.

"No." Near replied. His one-word answers were beginning to peeve her a bit.

"Ok... so..."

"You use that word a great deal." Near observed. There was a pause.

"Excuse me?" Dr. Pheesh asked, confused.

"That word, 'Ok', you have used it precisely six times in our four point five minute long conversation. This makes it a seventy-six percent chance that you are unnerved, inexperienced, or simply have no idea what you're doing." The pale boy elaborated. There was a much longer pause.

"Get the hell out of my office." Dr. Pheesh growled, pointing at the door for emphasis. "I refuse to deal with this right now." Without any change in his expression, manner, or stance, Near delicately rose to his feet, and padded out of the room. Dr. Pheesh went straight for the bottle of Aspirin she now kept in the top drawer of her desk.

* * *

Upon returning to his room, Mello observed two things.

Thing one, Jimmy was attempting to remove a rather large amount of bubble gum from his hair and was largely not meeting with success despite the fact that Darryl was assisting him.

Thing two, a fourth bed had been set up in the room with a rolling suitcase situated on top of it. This was obviously evidence that a fourth person had been added to their cabin.

"Oh, hi Mello. What's up?" Darryl questioned jovially.

"How the hell did that happen?" Mello asked, gesturing at the pink rubbery mess that Jimmy's head had become.

"Remember how he threw Angela's doll in the soup during lunch?"

"Ah. Yes." Mello grinned.

"Well, apparently she didn't like that." Darryl shrugged. Jimmy gave a deep sob as he pulled at his hair.

"Try peanut butter." Mello advised, and Darryl went to dig in the bag of loot they'd gotten from raiding the kitchen earlier that morning.

"Hey by the way, did you hear there's a new kid?" Darryl made conversation.

"No, but I figured it out." Mello drawled. "Why else would there be a fourth bed and new luggage in here?"

"Er... right..." Darryl grimaced awkwardly as he pulled a jar of peanut butter triumphantly from his bag. "Anyway, they brought the stuff in a while ago so he should be showing up soon." Maybe it was fate, maybe it was luck, maybe it was a coincidence, but at that moment a gentle knock sounded from the door. It was just barely audible over Jimmy's weeping.

"Come in already, jeeze!" Mello called out after a few minutes. The handle turned, the door swung open, and in walked the newest addition to the cabin. Mello could hardly believe his eyes, in fact for a moment or two he couldn't process the scene properly at all. Thus was not true for his other roommates.

"Hey, welcome to Hell. Our style." Darryl greeted, apparently not realizing that the newcomer's gaze was riveted on Mello alone.

"Yeah... don't piss off any of the girls though." Sniffled Jimmy.

"So, what's your name kid?" Darryl continued obliviously. The new boy opened his mouth to answer, but just then Mello's voice kicked back in.

"NEAR!?"

TBC...

A/N: So am I evil or what? xDDD I almost didn't do it, I almost wrote more than that... but I decided that nah, better leave 'em wanting more. That's how it's done, right? Lol don'tcha just loooove the psychiatrist's name? 8D


	8. Super Excellent Reunion of Fluff

A/N: Hello lovelies! Quick update to apologize for the diabolical-ness of my little cliffhanger there. Do enjoy, and review muchly please.

Disclaimer: Still not owning.

Chapter 8: Super Excellent Reunion of Fluff

"Yes Mello?" Near asked calmly, the barest of smiles hovering about his lips. Mello sputtered.

"How-Wha-Why-... What the hell are you doing here!?" The blonde managed to get out around his shock.

"Speaking with you." Near answered contentedly.

"_How_ did you get here?"

"I burned down the backyard, among other things." Near replied dismissively, as though it were nothing. Dead silence.

"So I take it you two know each ot-"

"Obviously!" Mello cut Darryl off angrily. Mello's two roommates were rather stunned themselves, what with the sudden outburst from Mello and placid reaction of the other boy, Near as he was apparently called. "Near, why did you do that... and how did you do that?"

"Well, I had Matt's help-"

"Ohhhhh." Mello breathed a sigh of relief. "There we go, that explains it." His world appeared to have righted itself again, and Near didn't have the heart to explain further. Instead, the pale boy padded across the floor and wrapped his arms around Mello's waist. Mello froze, though he didn't push Near away. "...What the fuck are you doing." It was a statement, not a question, though it was treated as one.

"I missed you." Near murmured against Mello's chest. Mello shot a look at the bamboozled other boys in the cabin, than thought 'What the hell, not like they're important anyway,' and returned the embrace... slightly... before shoving Near off.

"That was weird. Don't do it again." The blonde coughed. Near smiled, and Mello blinked. "...When did you start doing that?"

"Sometime around the fireworks, I think." Near shrugged. Mello stared, and started laughing surprisedly.

"You're somethin' else, Near." Mello smirked at him. "So you decided to tarnish your perfect little record just so you could come to Brat Camp with me?"

"Basically, yes." Near confirmed.

"And there were fireworks involved?"

"Yes, Matt got them for me."

"I'm gonna kill that traitorous bastard. Those were special reserve." Mello rolled his eyes. There was a long, only awkward to Jimmy and Darryl, period of silence. Jimmy still had a hand stuck to his gummed up hair, the position making it look almost like he was imitating Near, badly.

"Hey Mello?" Darryl asked finally.

"Yes?" Mello returned.

"Uh... what's going on?"

"Very long story, and frankly none of your business." The blonde said. Darryl had learned enough about Mello's violent tendencies in the last few days to know not to question anything Mello claimed as none of his business.

"C'mon Jimmy, lets go try the hose."

"I thought we were gonna use the peanut butter?"

"That too. Come _on._" Darryl hustled Jimmy out of the cabin, leaving the two rivals alone.

"Pretty quick work, all things considered. It's only been two days." Mello congratulated. "I'm almost impressed."

"Thank you... I think..." Near twirled a hair delicately. A few oddly comfortable seconds of quiet passed.

"So... now what?" Mello raised an eyebrow. Near appeared to be thinking for a moment before answering, a tad hesitantly.

"Would you like to kiss me?"

Mello considered this. He considered this for a very long time. It was so long, in fact, that Near began to look a little hopeless.

"...Yeah, alright." The blonde concluded finally before cautiously, almost experimentally, pressing his lips to Near's.

Pure. Joy.

"You're going to say that was weird now, I suppose." Near said resignatedly, breaking away for a moment.

"What's weird is you stopping, now shut up." Mello pulled him back in.

* * *

Dr. Pheesh was having a bad day. Actually to be entirely accurate, she was having a bad week. Although the aspirin helped. Loads. The other thing that helped was chanting 'Three more months three more months' over and over in her mind.

About an hour after the first batch of aspirin wore off, just before lunch, Dr. Pheesh decided she'd try another session with Near. He was less aggressive than Mello at least. Or so it seemed. The counselor she sent to find him came in looking incredibly shaken to announce that the boy had arrived.

"What on earth happened to you?" She asked irritably.

"...I don't even _want _to know what he actually said." The counselor whimpered cryptically, before he scurried out of the room like a spooked mouse. This was not a good omen. Near slipped in just then, and Dr. Pheesh couldn't see any visible changes from this morning... other than the fact that his socks were much dirtier of course. Well that and... it almost looked like he was... annoyed. Though she wasn't that good at reading him yet, and he was quite adept at shielding his emotions.

"So, how have things been going?" Dr. Pheesh made an attempt to sound friendly. The utterly blank stare he was aiming at her was beginning to have it's nerve-wracking effect again.

"Fine." Near shifted his eyes to the door boredly, and Dr. Pheesh just barely managed to keep from breathing a sigh of relief that those gray beams weren't piercing her anymore.

"That's good to hear. Now, I want to try and work through a few things with you."

"Clearly." Near said. If it had been anyone else the psychiatrist would have called that sarcasm, with this boy she was genuinely unsure.

"Right..." Dr. Pheesh made careful effort not to say the word 'ok', in fact she planned never to say the word 'ok' ever again. "Well, first of all I'd like to try a Rorshach's test with you. Does that sound alright?"

"No, you pronounced Rorshach's incorrectly." Near replied with a perfect accent. The psychiatrist's eye twitched, involuntarily.

"WELL..." She coughed, "That is, well, thank you for the correction."

"Certainly."

Oh this was going to be so bad... No, no wait, she could handle this. It's only a kid, it's only a kid. Three more months, three more months...

"I'm going to show you the first inkblot now." The psychiatrist informed him through clenched teeth. She pulled the folder of pictures from her briefcase, and slipped out the first one. "Tell me what _picture_ you can see in this." She emphasized, not willing to get caught in the same way twice. What she didn't know was that not only had Near taken every psychology course she had, and then some, but he had done them better than her. So of course he knew every picture it was possible to see in every different arrangment of ink on pretty much every single one of the standardized Rorshach's tests in the world. This ink blot was no exception, and he knew every single textbook answer there was, each indicating a different mental inclination.

He rattled them all off, quickly, emotionlessly, and in alphabetical order.

Dr. Pheesh was speechless, the piece of cardboard slid out of her hand and toppled to the floor. Near didn't even bother looking at her, instead glancing back over at the door, wondering how long it would take before she'd be able to muster up something to say. From his own experience, what Mello had told him, and the look on her face... His prediction was approximately two and three quarter minutes.

He was right.

"Y-you... _all _of them?" She stammered.

"Yes."

"How... how?" Flabbergasted was probably a good descriptive term, yes.

"I have an eidetic memory." Near explained simply.

"O-oh... Ok..." '_Dammit!_ I didn't mean to say that!' Dr. Pheesh moaned mentally.

"I'd suggest that I go to lunch now, you take some more aspirin, and we shall continue this at a time when you are not suffering from a mild case of shock." Near advised gently. Dr. Pheesh could only nod dazedly. "Excellent. Goodbye." Near was gone before the psychiatrist's vision could refocus. She seriously needed to stop wearing these fake glasses, the doctor-y impression they gave wasn't worth her eyesight.

* * *

In the cafeteria, it became apparent just how popular Mello had become with the other children. They were crowded around his table, firing off question after question and vying for seats. Darryl and Jimmy had popped in to grab some lunch, before running out again to find new methods of removing gum from hair. Normally Mello enjoyed all the attention, but at the moment he was more interested in scanning the room to see when Near entered it than paying any heed to his 'fanclub.'

As luck and Murphy's Law would have it, he turned to snap at a particularly forward girl at the same time that Near shuffled into the cafeteria and started making his way towards the center of his affections, so the blonde missed the entrance. As a result, Near was left with the daunting task of getting through the throng of children around Mello.

Near was not good at fighting his way through crowds. Near wasn't good with crowds in general. Managing to move past the outer circles by utilizing his small stature, Near was getting jostled and brushed aside rather a lot in a very short time.

"Hey, look out kid!"

"Wait your turn shortie!"

"Geeze, freakin' newbie."

"Hey, that was my foot!"

Near was in serious danger of being ganged up on by a group of Brats, when their king took interest in the sudden dissension in the ranks.

"What's going on?" Mello demanded, and several kids moved aside to reveal a tall beefy boy holding an almost nervous-looking Near up by the arm.

"That kid was trying to push through!" One child explained.

"Yeah, and he stepped on Randy's foot." Added another. Mello said nothing, merely rose from his chair, walked over to Near and 'Randy' and proceeded to punch 'Randy' in the stomach hard enough to make him drop his cargo, and double over. A gasp rippled through the onlookers. Mello took Near by his none-the-worse-for-wear arm, and guided him to the table. The blonde proceeded to take advantage of the astonishment he had induced by seizing the back of the chair the kid next to him was sitting in, and shaking the unfortunate youngster out of it, before replacing the now empty chair and sitting Near in it. Mello regained his seat, and as if this were a cue, the group sprang back to life.

"Dude! He just kicked your ass!" A girl squealed at Randy, flapping her hands irritatingly. Randy was still gasping for air. Mello was that badass.

"How come that kid gets to sit next to you? We were all here first!" The infamous Angela, of gumming Jimmy's hair, protested.

"Actually, considering I've known him for close to four years now, technically he was here first. Not _here _in the _literal _sense, of course, but you get the idea." Mello drawled. "And if anyone touches him again you'll end up _wishing _you looked like that guy." The blonde pointed at Randy, who was rubbing his stomach painfully. Naturally this did not go over well with aforementioned Randy.

"Mello, you really cannot get along peacefully anywhere, can you?" Near sighed. Mello scoffed.

"Who wants to get along peacefully? It's boring. Besides, that only happened because you were here. Maybe it's you." Mello pointed out. Near just shook his head affectionately, earning himself an offended poke from Mello. It wasn't a hard poke though, and Near was able to ignore it easily.

Randy had now recovered, and he looked... _displeased_, if a tad wary.

"You punched me." He growled at Mello.

"No shit?" Mello raised both eyebrows in mock-surprise. "Wow, talk about powers of obeservation." Randy may not have been what you would call an 'A-student' but he knew when he was being insulted. He advanced on the blonde, cracking his knuckles.

"I feel obligated to warn you, for no particular reason other than pity, that it would be a much better idea to leave now. Ideally at a quick pace." Near interjected. Randy ignored him and pulled back an arm. He let loose the punch but it hit the only back of the chair, which Mello was suddenly no longer occupying. The blonde was now situated on the other side of Randy, clicking his tongue disapprovingly.

"Oh, you should have listened to Near." Mello's grin was of the caliber that made it into the nightmares of otherwise well-adjusted individuals and drove them insane. The survival instincts of the other children in the vicinity kicked in and they backed up a good ten feet, but weren't about to abandon the show entirely. Randy turned, definitely intimidated by the devilish sneer, but not quite willing to give up and risk losing face just yet. When you're a bully, reputation is all you have. Instead he put up his fists and pasted on his scariest scowl, which didn't hold a candle to Mello's.

Twenty seconds later, every counselor in the camp was heading towards the howls of agony emanating from the cafeteria.

TBC...

A/N: Thought I'd end that chapter there. Lol I love it when Mello gets possessive. There will be another chapter, maybe even two if y'all aren't bored yet. Review please, they are extremely appreciated!

Oh and in case anyone was wondering, Jimmy doesn't understand innuendo or implications so he has no idea of what the deal is with Mello and Near. Darryl does, but since he's banging Jimmy behind the scenes anyway he couldn't care less. xDDD


	9. Group Therapy Take Two

A/N: Bad news guys, alot. My dad lost his job, and so my family has to move out of our house within the next two weeks. Also, we're low on money, so I won't have internet access comfortably for at least a month, maybe two. So this is going to be the last update for awhile. I'm sorry, but I wanted to give you all a new chapter as a farewell, for now. I'm copying this down for my other In Progress stories as well, so hopefully everyone that cares will know.

In other news: Annoying Group Therapy Counselor has a name now. I had a moment today in which I remembered Petey, the longest-living beta fish I ever had. RIP

Disclaimer: Still don't own.

Chapter 9: Group Therapy Take Two

"Is there any _reason_ that you ripped off his fingernails and shoved them into his ears?" Dr. Pheesh questioned, a tad warily, and from the safety of behind her desk.

"Of course." Mello scowled. Dr. Pheesh waited. She was not rewarded.

"Well?" She caved finally.

"Well, what?" Mello retorted.

"Why aren't you telling me the reason?" The psychiatrist asked exasperatedly.

"You didn't ask for it." Mello replied dismissively.

"What? Yes I d-" She was cut off.

"No, you just asked if I _had_ one." Mello pointed out. Dr. Pheesh resisted the urge to just down the whole bottle of aspirin. It wasn't easy.

"And how exactly are you involved in this?" She turned to Near, hoping he'd be more forthcoming than the ferocious blonde.

"Marginally." Near responded simply. 'Three more months, three more months, three more months...' Dr. Pheesh took a deep breath.

"You know what? I don't care. I don't care _why _you did it, because clearly you are not going to tell me. I am assigning both of you to the newest program for building healthy relationships with your peers." The psychiatrist was on the brink here.

"But no one here is on our level, thus there are no _peers _available to us here." Mello told her.

"SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

She was extremely insulted (and a tad disappointed) when the orphans appeared unmoved by this outburst, and simply rose and exited in their usual unconcerned manner.

* * *

"Group therapy? Again? I thought she said this was new." Mello grumbled, as the eight children chosen for this activity, himself and Near included, assembled themselves in a circle around that same damn annoying counselor.

"This is a new exercise." The counselor explained, "it is still group therapy, but there are specially designed new aspects to help you make connections with your fellows."

"How many times did you have to read that sentence before you memorized it?" Mello rolled his eyes.

"Do you always have to be negative?" The counselor shot back.

"Lemme think... Yeah." Mello quipped. The counselor huffed irritatedly.

"Anyway," He cleared his throat and made an effort to recover his fake-happy-smile. "I'm Mr. Behta, and I'll be the supervising counselor for most of your group therapy activities."

"Can we just get on with this?" For once it was not Mello who had spoken out. It was Angela. She however was far more easily quailed by the look of ticked-off-ed-ness sent her way by Mr. Behta.

"Today's activity is known as 'Trust-Fall.' You will all be assigned a partner- no you can't choose- and this is what you will do: Taking turns, one of you will stand behind the other, who will then allow themselves to fall backward. You must catch your partner, and then once you have successfully completed this five times you will switch places. The point of this exercise is to build trust, since you will have to trust that your partner will catch you, just as your partner will have to trust you." The counselor explained. "Now, Ben you team up with Sara, Lexi goes with Tara, Angela your partner is Near, and Mello you're with Crystal." Mello considered protesting this, but figured that Near would have a better chance of catching the young female Angela than himself. After all, expecting him to catch a boy almost a foot taller than him was just unreasonable.

"Ok, so do you wanna go first or should I?" Crystal babbled happily.

"Does it matter?" Mello drawled.. Crystal took this as permission for her to decide.

"Alright, you catch me first!" She giggled. Mello rolled his eyes.

"Sure, whatever."

"Is everyone with their partners now?" Mr. Behta questioned needlessly. "Good, now begin!" The airheaded Crystal immediately dropped backwards, and Mello caught her pretty much on reflex. She grinned up at him, and he was tempted to remove his arms and let her fall the rest of the way to the dirt. She stood up again.

"Ok, four more times!" She spouted.

"Really? Cause five is such a hard number to count down from." Mello said sarcastically. The sarcasm was lost on her. Once more the girl allowed herself to fall back, Mello caught her this time without looking. She was light enough that it was easy, so he had glanced over to see how Near was doing. Apparently that duo had decided that Angela would be the first 'catcher' since Near was getting ready to fall back. He didn't appear to be having an easy time letting himself do it naturally though, and Angela had the exasperated look of someone who's partner hasn't even started yet when everyone else is on their third go. Finally Near managed to override years of pure concentrated distrust of other human beings and began to fall back. Mello caught Crystal for the fourth time, and that's when it happened.

Angela was not paying attention. She had pretty much given up hope that Near was ever going to actually fall, and so had reached into her pocket, presumably for some gum. Then she noticed that Near actually was falling, and scrambled to catch him. In the process her hands caught on his shirt, pulling it up, and effectively... well lets just say that if Near was female Angela would've had quite the handful. As it was, he was looking extremely uncomfortable and squirming quite a bit to get back on his feet.

This did not go over well with Mello.

Not at all.

Shoving Crystal back onto her feet, Mello charged, snatching Near out of Angela's grasp and hollering in her face before she could even work up a proper blush.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, TOUCHING HIM LIKE THAT!?"

Angela had the distinct impression of running very fast as a few stray hairs were blown out of her face by the force of Mello's voice. She attempted to stutter out a reply, but that wasn't working so well.

"Mello! What happened was an accident, and while Angela really should have been paying attention, there's no need to-" Mr. Behta didn't have the chance to get into full swing.

"THERE IS SO! SHE NEEDS TO WATCH WHERE SHE'S PUTTING HER DAMN HANDS!" The only reason Angela wasn't a smear on the dusty ground right now was that... well, Mello didn't hit girls unless they hit him first. Mutilating Randy had been one thing, but with a smaller, younger, weaker female Mello was not going to bring the pain until she made an attack. This did not mean he wasn't going to shout at her until his lungs turned blue.

"Um... Mello..." Near tried, feeling both chagrined and rather flattered, though he let neither show.

"Really, now, you need to calm down." Mr. Behta interjected again, which was rather stupid since while Mello might listen to Near, he certainly wasn't going to heed the dumb counselor. "I don't see why it should even bother you so much that-"

"BECAUSE HE'S MINE!" Mello snarled. "NO ONE ELSE GETS TO TOUCH HIM!" He brought his face very close to Angela's, and suddenly his tone turned low and deadly. "Un-der-_stand_?" This was the tone of someone who if they were **not **un-der-_stood_, would be willing to throw aside a belief (such as not hitting girls) in the name of recompense.

"Y-yeah, sure. Got it." Angela squeaked, feeling that the continuation of her life hinged on giving Mello an answer.

"Good." Mello whirled around, totally ignoring the dumbfounded expressions of the other people present, and proceeded to head straight for Dr. Pheesh's office with Near in tow. Mr. Behta let them go. Some things just shouldn't be interfered with.

TBC...

A/N: lol I think I actually freaked myself out a little there. Mello equals way overprotective. Don't even _breathe_ on Near too much or Mello is gon' get you! xDDD

Yeah, I don't think older, gun-toting Mello cares much about gender. He'll shoot you anyway. But the way he let Takada change under a blanket sort of suggested to me that he had a little 'RESPECT FEMALES' programmed into him. Hence the 'he does not hit girls' thing I put in there.

Review pleeeeease! And help relieve the torment that is eating at my soulllll! I'll have the next chapter up as soon as I have internet access back.


	10. Don'tcha Wish Your Boyfriend Was

A/N: Hiiiii! Yeah, so I'm not out of the woods yet, but apparently I have at least another week (maybe two) before internet is officially shut off for meeee. So I'mma try to keep updating mah storiez for as long as I can, though don't be surprised if I suddenly appear to drop off the planet.

Thank you all so much for your support, it's really quite sweet of you. I didn't expect such a reaction, I thought people'd be more like 'WUT no updates for a month!? Screw this Hoar I'm out! Who cares about her personal biz anyway?' xDD So yeah you guys are incredible, and I love you all.

Disclaimer: Nothing owned.

Chapter 10: Don'tcha Wish Your Boyfriend Was Cute Like Mine?

Dr. Pheesh was rudely awakened from a rather nice dream in which she was happily teaching a cooperative yoga class by a loud and vicious knocking on her office door. It was very unpleasant, but it was not nearly so unpleasant as the aura of ANGER that Mello was giving off when she opened the door to find the blonde there, with Near, who might or might not look a tad sheepish. She couldn't really tell.

"We're going home." Mello announced, so decisively that Dr. Pheesh was faced with a moment of displacement in which she couldn't remember which of them was meant to be the authority figure.

"Um... you are?" Her mouth said in the midst of this moment. Mello tromped in, Near close behind him, and they seated themselves on her couch in their usual manner.

"Yes. I am certain we shall be able to work something out that shall be to the advantage of both parties." He replied. "But if we stay here any longer, the likelihood that I'll end up killing someone goes up considerably."

"By approximately thirty-five percent, in point of fact." Near added helpfully. The psychiatrist weighed her options carefully. On the one hand, she had grown to really dislike both of these boys and did not feel like cooperating with them. On the other hand, she had grown to really dislike both of these boys and would much prefer them to no longer be in her presence. Ever.

"I'm listening." She said finally, taking her seat behind her desk, and for once not reaching for her notebook. Mello smiled the sort of smile you might see on the pilot of a sadistic war plane about to drop the bombs on a defenseless third world country.

"You suck at psychiatry. We don't. You have the power to call the orphanage, and tell them it's fine for us to return now. Follow me so far?" Mello drawled. Dr. Pheesh was admittedly miffed about the 'you suck at psychiatry' thing, but when it's true it's true. Plus, she wasn't stupid. Sure she was a horrible psychiatrist and not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but she wasn't _stupid_ stupid. Just faintly dull.

"I see. In fact, I agree." She admitted easily. "How are we going to do this?" That smile again. Dr. Pheesh could learn to really fear that smile.

"Watch and learn."

* * *

Dr. Mello lounged languidly in his chair, nibbling his chocolate and firing off questions at his third 'patient' of the day.

"So, why do you play pranks?" He said, lapping up a melted drop of chocolate before it fell to his shirt.

"Cause they're fun?" The small boy on the sofa ventured.

"Wrong answer."

"Um... cause I get bored?"

"Ooooh, so close."

"Cause... then I get attention?"

"Yep. Take up a hobby. Musical instruments are popular."

The boy brightened. "I did take a class on the ukelele once... It was kinda fun."

"Great, that works. Get out now."

The boy left, thoughts of island instruments floating through his mind.

"NEXT!"

* * *

"..." Dr. Near sat on carpet, neatly stacking a set of dominoes. A preteen girl was slouched moodily across from him. She'd given up complaining about the lack of chair five minutes ago.

"..." Fidget.

"..."

"..." Flinch.

"..."

"..." Yawn.

"..."

"..." Sweat.

"..."

"..." Panic.

"..."

"Alright! I didn't even do it! I just wanted the credit so people would think I was cool!"

"Do you think you're cool?"

"...Yes?"

"..."

"NO!"

"Don't lie. Especially not about foolish things that can get you sent to behavioral correction camps." Technically this statement was hypocritcal, but anyone who points that out will get beaten up by this doctor's boyfriend.

"O-ok..."

"Please leave and send in the next person now."

"R-right..."

* * *

"That was grueling."

"Yes."

"And stupid."

"Very."

"And I'm out of chocolate now."

Near was vaguely annoyed that he couldn't think up a suitable one word answer to this, but the annoyance dissapated when Mello took away the necessity for a response by sealing their lips together. Also, at some point, Near felt that there was tongue down his throat that had only a two percent chance of being his own. It was extremely nice.

* * *

"I have to admit... I'm impressed... and a little freaked out..." Dr. Pheesh said as she reviewed the list of children, complete with evaluations attached, that had been handed to her.

"That's nice, would you just call the orphanage already?" A tired Mello demanded. Dr. Pheesh looked at the on-edge blonde, weighed her chances, and hastily snatched up the phone. _Beep boop bip biip beep be-oop beep!_ "Hello, Wammy's House? This is Dr. Marigold Pheesh speaking..."

* * *

Roger gave up. He just... gave up. Even someone as close to senility as him knew that it took more than a week to cure two boys of misbehavior. However the psychiatrist had been far too insistent that they return to the orphanage and eventually Roger was forced to cave...

Only to find that somehow both boys _had _undergone some sort of reform. Well, Near was back to normal at least, spending all his time once more in his playroom or his bedroom. Mello wasn't playing pranks anymore... or at least not dangerous/damaging ones. Roger didn't really care about a whoopie cushion here or there as long as vandalism wasn't involved.

Actually, Mello wasn't seen very much at all these days. There had been some rumors that he was hanging out in the playroom alot, but that was ridiculous since Near was often in the playroom. The one constant at Wammy's House was that Mello and Near were locked in an intense hateful rivalry, so the thought of them hanging out was simply unbelievable. And even if it wasn't...

_Mello was no longer damaging property. _

Roger was not going to question that. You do not look a gift horse in the mouth. Not even when strange moans come from the playroom sometimes. Especially not when Matt wanders into the nurses' office one day asking if there's any way for retinas to be safely bleached. Roger did not want to _know._

Mello and Near were very aware of Roger not wanting to know, which was why they politely shut the door when they wanted to make-out and... _such._

Alright, Brat Camp had some benefits.

END.

A/N: It almost feels anticlimactic to me... but I wasn't sure how else I could really end it in one chapter. Ah well, lol at fail!Roger. Writing the individual scenes for 'Dr.s' Mello and Near was almost illegally fun. Also, I know the title of the chapter doesn't really fit but... It just suddenly came to me and I felt it was too good not to put in. So voila, funny title that does not quite match the chapter. W/e.

Hey, maybe I should write a sequel. Although I haven't the slightest idea what it would be about. They've already conquered Brat Camp. Maybe just a normal Summer Camp? Only not normal for long because it would be ravaged by the overly protective/possessive brilliance of Mello and the affectionate monotonous cold logic of Near? Oh and Matt could even come along for the ride too! 8D -Glee-

I do believe it's Poll Time. Visit my Bio to vote on whether you want a sequel or not, and please leave reviews detailing your thoughts/opinions on this final chapter of Separation. Love you all!


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